Gay Christian? #ICSEX

Last week I sat down with a friend of mine for coffee and conversation at a busy little cafe in our downtown district.  This friend happens to be a gay Christian. 

 

The very idea of said pairing challenges both the Christian and gay communities alike.  And admittedly it challenges me.  For many of us it just doesn't work and can definitely make people uncomfortable.  Seemingly opposite ideals, lifestyles, convictions coexisting together.  And yet there he was, sitting right in front of me eating some kind of sticky bun and drinking tea.  A gay Christian.

 

Next month in Las Vegas The Idea Camp will take on all things sex.  Conversations and speaker sessions will focus on pornography, trafficking, orientation, gender, marriage...  Asking the question; In a culture formed and broken by tainted views of human sexuality, what should followers of Christ embody?

 

As part of the media team I'm helping get these conversations started early.  So, with my friend's permission, I'm going to pass on some pieces of our conversation with the hopes you might have one of your own.

 

On faith background...

"I had a Catholic background and it never quite worked for me.  I couldn't seem to connect with God or the church but I wasn't against it either, in fact I actually really loved spirituality and what the church could be."

 

And your faith now...

"Well, it took a long time before I could reconcile my faith in God and my sexuality.  At certain points, especially in middle school, I felt this pressure to either fix myself or be kicked out of the Christian club and so I remember praying to God to be healed of my sexuality, to fix me.  But I wasn't.  So I learned to keep it hidden around the church and to a certain degree still do.  I lived in a great deal of fear, afraid of people but more so of going to hell.  And it wasn't until I realized there wasn't anything wrong with me that I could really walk with God.  That I'm not going to hell based on not being "normal."  I have a relationship with God, there's nothing to fear.  It's the kind of painful process that I wouldn't wish upon anyone but also the kind that everyone needs to go through...in their own way."

 

The church...

"The church largely views homosexuality as a disability, something that needs to be fixed in people in order for them to become whole.  This creates alienation.  That we're not whole and everybody else is, so we become a project or shunned.  The Christians say they're having honest conversations about sexuality but if you were to ever look around at those discussions or conferences you'd find a severe lack of diversity.  If half the group aren't gay it's not a fair discussion."

 

Moving forward...

"The church needs to talk.  We can't even talk with each other about sex in our closest circles how can we expect to talk with those who are different.  And love people, don't miss what God can do in and through the lives of others.  I believe that God is at the core of all situations and the best thing we can do is go to Him."

 

What about you, any thoughts?  Do you hold a position on the subject?  Does your faith community talk about sexuality?

See you in Vegas,

JG



Comments

[Joseph Barkley]

We are discussing sexuality this next Winter beginning from 1 Corinthians—we were ALL broken, we are ALL dysfunctional, our sexuality bears the handicap of that. The big challenge for the Church now is staying in the conversation. How do we speak honestly, openly and CONTINUALLY? We're starting where many are—by seeking out those in our community who identify themselves as "gay" to investigate a loving yet plain-language road map. Excited for Idea Camp.

[Vince]

Good Sharing. I'm agreed with Barkley on keeping the consversation honest, open and continuous. I'm hopeful that such conversations, especially those which start by "seeking out others," are directed as affirming, validating, and self-determining and empowering. When "investigations" lead down just one concrete road, my fear would be that it ends in a which hunt of sorts and I'm sure that fear is not mine alone. This is precisely why people don't come out in CHURCH or at all. There's this idea of "holding open space" for others that might otherwise be marginalized from the center of such places as church, that must be contextual. God will do the work, and we ask christians can't get so caught up in saving, healing and sending people off to heaven.

[John Knox]

A few things I can't make a completely educated opinion on the matter. By gay christian are we talking someone who is sexually attracted to members of the same sex and that is it, or are we talking about a person who is sexually active and has no hesitations with their sexuality? The difference is huge from a conservative Christian perspective. Also. There is no expressed conviction on the morality of homosexuality. Regardless I'll take a stab at this anyway, because this is a very important issue the church does need to be honest about and quite frankly much more willing to talk and listen than they have been in the past.

I don't think there is a question on the morality of homosexuality being sinful. That being said, I also believe very strongly that there is genetic predispositions toward homosexuality for a lot, if not most, of people who are homosexual. I do not believe this is something that can be ignored by the church. I think it fits perfectly within the conservative view of the fall of man, and the curse that followed. If the fall effected all of nature and all men, then I think it is ludicrous for the church to take a stand saying that people cannot be "born" gay. I do believe they can say it is not natural, and not in the created order, but the fall messed with everything, including our sexuality. That being said I also do not believe that this justifies the lifestyle. Every single human alive has natural inclinations and predispositions to some sin that others do not have to bear. Do I believe this is an issue that we can just "reprogram" people in order to fix? No, and I think that even though God has the power to radically change a persons entire nature, once again, every person has a besetting sin in their life that may be with them the entirety of their life.

What does this mean for the person with homosexual impulses? It means that the blood of Jesus Christ is powerful enough to save them if they believe and repent. I do believe that all Christians must flee from sin that may be a snare for them. I do believe that a Christian can legitimately have homosexual impulses but I also believe that these impulses must be subdued and brought under control. I remember John Piper making a statement along the lines that a homosexual Christian can live a God honoring, Christ glorifying celibate lifestyle. For some people I think this is the truth, but as scripture states, God has given some people (not heterosexual people) the gift of celibacy. Am I saying that a person struggling with the lifestyle can absolutely never "slip up"? Absolutely not. What man who struggles with sin doesn't lapse into that sin occasionally? If there is such a man, he may cast the first stone and kill us all.

What does this mean for the church? Well, my biggest condemnation on the subject is left for the church and not the homosexual. The conservative church on the whole has done nothing but rejected and condemned homosexuals because of their sin with no hesitation and no understanding. The liberal church on the whole has just wholesale accepted everything about the homosexual lifestyle making it the same as heterosexuality. I believe very strongly that both sides have erred greatly and have done great harm to a true gospel understanding of how we deal with homosexuality. I believe the gospel way is a path of love, grace, forbearance, and help for homosexuals as you would show love grace forbearance and help for any other "normal" christian, but also with a firm moral hand letting them know that the lifestyle is a deviation of what God desires and is not in the created order. The church comes alongside people struggling with heterosexual lust, which is just as sinful as homosexual lust, but yet a person even struggling with homosexual ideas better shut their mouth in most conservative churches. Many churches just brush issues of pornography addicts under the rug while they are quick to condemn someone who is the slightest bit attracted to a member of the same sex. This is grossly hypocritical and shameful.

Lastly, I think in the context of my church, I was very intrigued by some of the council my pastor gave a person who he came across a shelter for spousal abuse. A man came in to the shelter and was the victim of spousal abuse. This caught my pastor a bit off guard, but he welcomed the man and they sat down and talked for a bit. He told the man that he was a pastor with the Presbyterian Church in America, and he had a very conservative theology and traditional view on the issue of homosexuality, and the man acknowledged this and wanted to continue anyway. So he went in and went through the issue of a traditional conservative view of marriage, man and wife. He explained the roles of each and how the husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and went through all the normal counseling steps he normally would with a battered wife. My pastor said that the man received everything graciously, and actually listened and engaged him. At one point he actually applied the gospel to the man in such a way that he said something along the lines of "Christ is the perfect husband, he is the man that you have been searching for your entire life, and will love you more perfectly than any love that you can find on this earth". It was a very abstract application, but I completely believe it is true. The man asked "well, how can I become a Christian when I'm still gay" and my pastors response was "Repent of your sin and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and leave the changing process in his hands, because he alone will do what we can never do on our own". The man left their on very good terms with my pastor and hopefully a seed was planted that will have fruit to reap later. My pastors main observation was that if you truly love someone, and they know that, then you can tell them just about anything and they will listen.

Sorry for the essay, I can give some links to a few things dealing with this subject, from this perspective, from conservative Christians (John Piper, Al Mohler, Tim Keller i know off the top of my head) if you would like, but yeah. The conversation definitely needs to take place.

[Peter Giglio Sr.]

Jesse,
Your friend at the coffee shop, is he Gay or homosexual? Do you see the difference? One is a condition we all have stemming from our sinful nature just like i'm a fornicator. The other is a world view, a political and social movement. I think we can love them both ,accept and help one and challenge and help the other.
Interested in the

Peter Giglio Sr.

[David N Ruiz]

I am often confused by the whole issue of can a person be homosexual and be a Christian as well.

My simple and direct answer is, YES they can! Many heterosexual Christians who vehemently despise
the homosexual are so quick to judge (That's God's business) and call on the scripture that says........
a man should not sleep with another man.......

I would ask those that are so quick to condemn them, what about the scripture that says......God created
us ALL in HIS OWN IMAGE.........??

You see, there are some people who are born heterosexual and through some circumstance in their life
experiment and/or chose to "GAY" lifestyle. I believe that to be WRONG.
On the other hand, there are those tho are biologically/genetically born with an attraction to their same sex
(i.e.........Did God not create them???)

It was put BEST to me by my friend who has a homosexual nephew. He said, "If I had a choice, do you think I
would choose to be gay(homosexual)!?!? In other words, because he was born that way, he feels he has no
choice. For him to ACT OUT being heterosexual, get married, father children, etc. would be living a LIE and
that goes completely against scripture, no question! God is about LIGHT/TRUTH.......LOVE.......LIFE.

I am a strong conservative heterosexual Christian man and have often times been one of those who criticized
the homosexual/gay people. I get that homophobic feeling sometimes even. But, like you reading this, when you
find out that your sister, brother, son, daughter are indeed homosexual, your views will be altered, even if
slightly and the love you have for them will cause you to seek God's answers for at least......ACCEPTANCE.